AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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