What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
