none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
