i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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