it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
