Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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