did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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