I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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