If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
