So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
