Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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