All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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