White coat. Heels.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
