You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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