i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
