God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
