I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the condom got lost in my hair
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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