I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
