as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
