I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
