I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
