No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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