I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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