Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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