If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
