i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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