Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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