Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
