Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
