Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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