naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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