go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We are all done wearing pants today
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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