If that was your dad, he is hot
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
