You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
