If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
