You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
