He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
