32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You can't just leave with hair like that
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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