my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
