Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
