i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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