Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
