i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize