Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
