I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
