Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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