I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
