I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
