I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
