I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
