sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
