Apparently you make a good broom.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize