I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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