Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
