I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize