your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
