i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
