I hope mine doesn't look like that
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
