i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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