i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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