someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
