He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
