when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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