You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
