i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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