I didn't shave. On purpose
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
