it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
