dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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