You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize