dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
