shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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