Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
