i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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