last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize