Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
her vagine was all disorganized.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
