Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
