hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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